Of Jack's Many Strange Adventures
by Captain MeraSparrow
Summary: To be a series of pointless oneshots. 1]TheHuntForGlucose 2]ThePortRoyalEasterRabbit 3]WilhelmTurner. They're pointless fun. Enjoy!
1. Glucose and Rum

Ahoy, mates! I and my best friend Jess had to do a project on photosynthesis for Biology. We had the option of making a play, but we were too lazy, making a video, but we procrastenated too much, or making a children's book. You can see we did the latter...-rer...anyhow, it was about Jack, so I decided to post it. Yes, Jess knows I'm doing this, even though our project isn't due 'til Friday...The book was supposed to be for 9-11 year olds. So yeah, it's really just random babbling and really cheesey. Hope ye enjoy! Read and Review, please!

**Disclaimer:** Sadly, we do not own Jack...nor anything else realted to Disney or Pixar. ;.;

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**Captain Jack Sparrow and the Quest for Glucose**

One night, just before dawn, near the town of Palmfrond, an the beach they called 'Stroma,' there lounged a pirate, chugging about eight bottles of rum over the course of five minutes and managing to stay sober. Not just any pirate, savvy, but Captain Jack Sparrow. His crew and the _Black Pearl_ were currently visiting Tortuga, while he took a much needed break from captaining his beloved boat—_ship_.

As he was relaxing, about to drift off with sure hopes of waking up with a hangover, a piece of paper, blown by the wind, hit him in the face."You filthy, slimy, mangy—piece of paper!" he exclaimed, thinking it something else before realizing it was only a piece of parchment. He peeled it off his face, saying, "Eh, what be this then?" He gave it a quick scrutiny, and realized it was a treasure map! Spanning more than half of one side was the map itself, and scribbled randomly about it and upon the other side were directions on how to find the treasure. Looking over the map with a more careful eye, he spotted the mark which revealed the location of the treasure. Reading the words just under the mark, he exclaimed, "The Lost Treasure of Glucose!" Glucose was valuable. Very valuable.

More so than gold. In fact, it ran the whole of Palmfrond. Without it, nothing would function: All trade would stop, the world would probably come to a stop, and, most importantly, NO RUM! As Jack was learning, Palmfrond was currently experiencing a slight glucose shortage. So Jack decided to go on the quest to save the rum—erm, the town. Unfortunately, his crew were—uh—visiting in Tortuga, (visiting, yeah let's go with that, yeah...visiting) thus he was without a ship. Or crew. But luckily, even that problem was addressed in the instructions. '#1) Find an Electron,' said the first step of the instructions. "Seems easy enough," Jack said to himself. So he swaggered down to the docks and looked over the assortment of ships. Walking down to the end of the docks, he spotted a fairly large ship. At its stern, its name read _The Electron_. He strode up the gangway onto th deck. Lucky for him there was already a crew in need of a captain. So, he presented to them his mission and they agreed. "Alright, step one complete. Step two," he read next, "cast off at sunrise. Well, that's but a few moments away!" So they waited for the sunrise. Not long, we might add. Soon as the sun peeked over the horizon, they set sail, and their quest began.

They sailed on until they came to a large, maritime cavern. There was a sign over the entrance saying 'Welcome to Photo System II, we hope you enjoy your stay.' Soon as they entered, the current picked up at an alarming rate until they were rocketing through the cave. They managed to sail out the other end, sustaining their fast pace. But before Jack could wait for his stomach to catch up, the ship lurched forward, and the crew discovered they were headed down a waterfall! But luckily, they made it out in one piece. Then it seemed they were rising. Then falling again. Then rising. Then falling, back and forth, back and forth, up and down, up and down, back andforth. It was very dizzying, sickening. Then there was one last swell in the water, and as they crested it, the _Electron_ slowed down, back to what was considered a normal pace. There were more waterfalls yet, but they were smaller and less violent. Then they entered a cavern similar to the first, also bearing a sign, reading 'Photo System I; please yield for sea turtles.'

"Sea turtles?" asked a very confused Jack. "Jimminy Cricket, why stop for sea turtles?" But they sailed on, and came to a final waterfall which they rode out of the cavern. As they exited, they saw a group of sea turtles. Aye, sea turtles. Deciding to heed the sign's plea, Jack ordered the crew to turn the ship sharply to its side, causing big waves to ensue. Moments later, a sea bird flew through one of those waves, emerging with a fish in its beak. But the bird was clumsy and dropped its prey, and it landed in the midst of a school or larger fish. One of the larger fish ate it and got really really hyper. The same thing happened again and again (and again and again and again), whereas the other fish in the school became hyper.

The waves continued onward, giving the sea turtles a free ride, making them excited. One of the turtles was Crash, from Finding Nemo, who called back, "Thanks for the killer waves, dude!" as he and the other turtles rode the waves away.

"Well, now that's over with," Jack mused. "Now, back to the mission." He opened up the map again and took a look at the directions. 'Step 4: Drop anchor at Calvin Island.' So they sailed on 'til they found the island of Calvin. "Aye, what next then?" enquired Captain Sparrow. 'Step 5: On the northern point of the Isle, find the coconut palm and take twenty paces east. Then dig until three keys are uncovered. They should be marked with the code: CO2.' "Ah, I knew this would be a bit of a hunt." He called back to the crew and they divided themselves into two groups: one to go hunt for the Glucose, and one to keep watch on the _Electron_. "To the North end of the island!" Jack directed them, snatching one of his comrade's compasses, seeing as his own did not point north. They found the coconut palm, apparently the only one on the island, and counted twenty paces east. Then, with tools they had brought along, they began to dig. Moments later, they came across a silk pouch. Emptying its contents, they uncovered three keys marked CO2. "Five down. Now," he read the next step aloud, "number six: count another twenty paces east. Dig until three boxed are uncovered. They should each bear the code of 5C." He counted another twenty paces, each step he took making him look drunk. Again they dug, and found the three small chests labeled 5C. They opened the chests with the keys marked CO2. Inside each of the chests was a key, one marked 6C, one 7C, and one 8C.

'Step seven: go to the Northeast side of the island. Dig at the base of the small cape and find two boxes labeled 3C. Only one of the three keys will open them.'

"That's interesting," Jack mused. "Using a number of keys and boxes to throw anyone without proper instruction off course. Ingenious! Aye, that's _very_ interesting." After much looking, they finally found the cape, and began digging again. They came across the two boxes, and, through the process of trial and error, found that the 6C key was the one what opened them. Inside both were smaller chests, one labeled ATP, one labeled ADP. But none of the many keys they had acquired would open the chests.

"Dude, looks like you could use some help," said a familiar voice as Crash the sea turtle swam up on shore with a couple of his friends. "Dude, like thanks for the totally gnarly waves out there. They were awesome. So, man, in thanks for that wicked awesome swell, we decided to give you the keys ya need." And with that, he gave Jack two keys labeled Pi. "You only wanna open the ATP one, dude. Ya gotta use, like, both keys, a'right?" And he swam away.

So, using the two keys, Captain Jack opened the box bearing the code of ATP. He looked back at the map, but it said nothing more. He peered inside the box, and found the rest of the directions. 'Step 8: go to the easternmost point of the island. Dig at the high tide mark. Two chests: also marked 3C.' So they dug. And the 6C key worked again. The chests opened to reveal again two smaller boxes; one marked NADP, and one marked NADPH. But again, none of their keys would work to open either. Then a few fish swam into the shallows. They were the same fish from the school earlier. "Hey, mon!" called one of the fish in a Jamaican accent. "Ye migh' want a key ta dat, eh?"

Jack massaged his temples. "Great. First the sea turtles were talking, and now this. What next? Flying pigs?" A large, wing-ed hog flew by. "Alright, nevermind. Yes, we want the key. You know where we can find it, aye?"

"Ya mon! We were so gre'tful for da feast ye gave us we wanted ta help ye out. So here ye go, mon. Da key ye need ta open da NADPH box. Ye don' need da other one." The fish flopped onto the beach to deposit a key before flopping back into the shallows.

Jack tipped his hat to the fish, well aware of how foolish he must look. "Much obliged."

"It's a pleasure, mon!" and with that, the fish swam away.

Jack picked up the key, but did not open the box yet. Instead, he looked back to the instructions. 'Step 9: go to the south cape and find the solid wall of rock. Find the opening. The treasure lies within.' They made their way there and, with little difficulty, found the solid stone outcropping, rising several feet from the ground to well above their heads.

Now Jack opened the box. Inside were six, unmarked keys. An inscription inside the lid read: 'Choose only one, and hope it's the right one. If the incorrect key is inserted, the stone will collapse, destroying all the treasure.' "Well, that poses quite the dilemma," Captain Sparrow stated the obvious. But he saw how the sun glinted off each iron key. Perhaps they were not unmarked after all. All had CHO, but the numbers separating the letters were different for each one. For instance, one said C3H6O3, while another said C12H22O11. All sorts of codes were inscribed, but, no matter how much he tries to cover it up, Captain Jack Sparrow is a smart man. He knew what the code for Glucose was. Confidently, he picked out the key marked C6H12O6 and swaggered up to the stone. He ran his hand along the smooth surface until he felt it go over a small crack. But ol' Captain Jack knew better. He stuck the key into the crack and turned it. The ground immediately began to shudder beneath them, and for a moment Jack doubted whether he'd chosen the right key. A crack appeared in the stone, and a secret door opened. Jack stepped inside. "REALLY BAD EGGS!" he exclaimed, as he had become accustomed to exclaiming when he was excited.

His crewmates rushed in to see what was there, and a cheer arose immediately. "Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!" They had found the Lost Treasure of Glucose. They took what they needed of the supply and prepared to leave, but not before Jack noticed words chiseled into the wall.

It read: 'Please return all the keys to their chests and the chests to their original locations so that in the event anyone is in need of this glucose again, they can find it. Any keys found aboveground must be cast into the sea.'

The crew groaned, and Jack along with them. It had been a lot of work digging everything up, and now they had to bury them again! But the work went quickly, and soon they were embarking the _Electron_. They cast off as the sun was setting and returned to the town of Palmfrond. Though it was a risk, Jack went straight to the governor and presented him with the glucose. "Captain Jack Sparrow, you have saved this town from its glucose deficit," said the governor at a public ceremony the next day. "For your bravery and triumph, we award you and your crew with whatever you want. Gold, silver, even a small share of our precious glucose if it so pleases you."

A wry grin spread across Jacks face, the sun glinting off his gold teeth. "A life's supply," he said slowly, so as not to be misunderstood, "of rum." Those of his crew present to hear cheered. "That's right. DRINKS ALL AROUND!"

So Palmfrond was saved from destruction, and Jack got his beloved rum. That night, he and some of his crew were dancing drunkenly around the fire. "We're devils and black sheep, we're really bad eggs!" they sang. "Drink up, me hearties, yo ho! Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me!"

**Fin.

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P.S. If you leave your e-mail address, I'll send you the grade it gets when it's graded. **

This was so much fun to write. It was done in haste, but I think it turned out pretty well, considering the circumstances. So, now, there is that little button down there. Please click on it. Thank you.


	2. Captain Bunny

Well, here be the next ficlet. Sorry, it's all really just one big joke. Take nothing too seriously, eh? I realize there was no such thing as a fluffly brown and white bunny costume way back when. Please understand that there really isn't anything much about religion, save for a mention of attending church, so please don't be offended by the 'Easter' bit. Just bear with me, eh? R&R!

I own nothing. That mouse will find himself in a dark alley one day, though, so he'd best watch his back.

The Port Royal Easter Rabbit

It was early spring, a time most beautiful in Port Royal. Leaves were green, the sun was not quite so warm, and above all, life was everywhere. 'Twas late in the evening now, and parents were busy putting their children abed. Tomorrow was Easter, and this year the children were more excited than usual. Earlier that same day, scores of children had flocked around Elizabeth Turner to hear the tale of the Port Royal Easter Rabbit. "He goes by Captain Rabbit," she had told them.

"Why 'Captain?'" one child had asked.

"Well this is a port, child. Would you expect him to go by anything otherwise?"

Now, the children would not sleep as they were told, their excitement at possibly getting to see this Captain Rabbit too great. "Do you think I'll get to see him, mum?"

"Perhaps if you're lucky, child. But you'll never find out if you don't get to sleep." The parents were all in on it. They had helped plan it all, but it had been Mrs. Turner's idea originally. They had grouped together and made something for their children to look forward to on Easter, after a regular day, or a boring day filled with church nonsense. For both children and parents alike, the next afternoon could not come soon enough.

They were told in the morning when they woke up that while they were attending the grueling three hour service, the rabbit was hiding brightly painted eggs all over town for all the children to find. Perhaps they would get to see Captain Rabbit while they searched, eh?

It seemed so much the sooner that they were released from the church, and almost immediately they were sent out by equally eager parents to hunt for eggs. Under bushes, at the base of trees, in knotholes, in hollows and tall grasses; The colorful eggs were hidden most everywhere. Children went about collecting as many as could be found, and when their arms became full, their parents gave them baskets to carry them in, and continue collecting. Several young children searched through the expansive garden of the Swann mansion, looking in the flowers, leaving no rock unturned, and so on. They were checking in the branches of a small tree when they heard a rustle of nearby leaves. Curious as they were, they crept closer until they discovered a very large, fluffy, furry brown something placing a small bundle of eggs under a bush, then hopping off to place more under a bench beneath an orange tree. They saw the paws and fluffly tail and long, fuzzy ears; their first thought was "Captain Rabbit!"

The man-sized bunny whirled around. "Well! Who have we 'ere, eh?"

The children giggled, young as they were—none of the four were over seven, save for the ten-year-old supervising for them, who introduced them. "That's Lily, that's little George, this is Emily, and I'm Thomas."

"Ah. A pleasure," Rabbit replied with a bow, ears and whiskers flopping as he did so. "Now, let's see how many eggs you've collected, shall we?" The children excitedly held out their baskets, filled to the brim with colorful eggs, set upon soft layers of grass so as they wouldn't crack. "Oh, how many you all 'ave collected! Ye deserve a special treat for all your hard work." And with that, he twisted around to reach into the pack slung over his shoulder, pulling out several more small brightly colored objects.

"Moow eggs?" asked the youngest in surprise. That was hardly any treat in his eyes.

"Aye. But know this: these are special eggs. They're made of chocolate, as you'll see when you unwrap them."

"Thank you, Captain Rabbit," they all said as he placed the sweet eggs among the others in their baskets.

"Will you come with us to meet everyone else?" Thomas asked politely.

Rabbit looked reluctant, but when the children looked up at him with those hopeful expressions, he could hardly refuse. "Aye, young ones. Into town we shall go." And so they headed out of the vast grounds.

"Mista Wabbit, why awe you wawking like that?" asked young Emily, second youngest of the bunch as she noticed Rabbit slinking and hopping slightly on all fours, rather than standing up.

"Well I am a rabbit, pet–," Emily giggled at the term of endearment, "–and rabbits cannot stand up or walk like people can."

"But don't rabbits hop, Captain?" enquired Lily, the oldest save for Thomas.

"Aye, but only when they're moving quickly. Helps them go faster, savvy?" The children all agreed, even if half of them did not understand what it was he had said.

As they reached town, each child they passed received candy eggs and treats from Captain Rabbit, but none were given quite so many as those four who had found him first. The day went by all too quickly, and soon the children's parents were calling for them. "Wiww you be hewe tomowwow?" sniffled a young George, unhappy at the thought of his new furry friend leaving.

"No, lad. Apologies, but I won't be."

"Then will we ever get to see you again?" Thomas asked.

Rabbit winked slyly. "If you get lucky at the Egg Hunt next Easter, child. Good fortune to you until we meet again, wee ones." He escorted them back to their house, as they were all siblings, and bid them their farewells.

"I can't wait till Eastew next yeaw," tiny Emily yawned as she hugged him tight. The other three children gathered around for a group hug, and were just as soon gathered into a big bear-hug...erm, rabbit-hug... Rabbit smiled as she said this, however: the desired effect had been accomplished.

"Oh come now, he's not leaving forever, give 'im some room to breathe," their mother broke in. The children reluctantly released him. "Now off to bed with ye lot, come on then," she scolded. As soon as the children had headed upstairs, repeating final farewells, heads hung, their mother stepped over to the rabbit. "'Ow can we ever thank ye, Cap'n?"

"There's no need," Rabbit grinned. "I do it for the kiddies. There's really no more to it than that."

"Still," she bent down toward him and lifted his mask a bit, "we appreciate it." And with that, she gave him a grateful peck on the cheek and replaced his mask. The rabbit blinked once, then nodded.

"Any time, Elsie," he nodded again. "Til next time." He turned and hopped out the door. Even down the street in the growing darkness, he remained on all fours. No use in spoiling it for the few children still about. A certain Mrs. Turner strode up to him. "Well if it isn't the lady of the hour, the very genius who came up with this little activity!" Rabbit exclaimed, leaning back on his haunches to get a better look at her.

She grinned. "Captain Rabbit...you know, that's a very becoming name. I think we'll all be calling you that for quite some time."

The Captain groaned, muttering, "I knew there would be a price for all this."

Elizabeth's smile only widened. "Take care of yourself," she said, tousling his ears as she strode past him.

"Aye. Say 'ello to Will for me, will you? I never really got the chance to drop by and visit." She nodded, and he started for the docks. The streets were growing quiet and empty, but just for the heck of it he kept to four paws the whole way.

Commodore Norrington came into view, walking alone toward him. Rabbit stiffened, ready to bolt. But all he received was a sideward glance and a, "See you next spring, Sparrow," as the navy man passed him by without a falter to his stride. Jack paused, paw in the air, one ear up, one crooked, ready to make some reply. But there was no need, as he saw, and he continued to the docks.

The _Pearl_ had sidled up to the docks unnoticed, and he silently hopped up the gangplank. He was greeted by a few snickers, but he only continued on his way until Gibbs stopped him. "Jack." He looked up, leaning back on his haunches once again. "Ye can stand up now."

The pirate blinked. "...Right...right," he chuckled with a shake of his head and a wiggle of ears and whiskers, standing. His legs were a bit stiff from having been used quadrupedally all day, but he didn't mind. He finally took off the Rabbit mask, careful his that braided beard did not get caught in it, and ordered that they set sail immediately. Once that task was accomplished, he headed to his cabin to change out of the fluffly brown and white costume. Soon as his door was closed, the deck exploded in raucous laughter. But he didn't care. As hard as it was for them to understand, he had actually had a good time this day. He grinned to himself, knowing that what he had volunteered for would now become a yearly tradition, and there was no turning back, not now, not ever. Not when there were so many children to either please or disappoint. He chose the former, thus choosing to keep to this. Still, his crew probably wouldn't let him live it down any time soon. But all he could do was laugh at the thought of their jokes—that's really all it was about: making it fun for others, and having a great time doing it.

He couldn't wait till next Easter...

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There now, was that so bad?...-.- don't answer that...

Actually, do! In that review you're sending and were planning on sending the whole time, savvy? XD But please. Seriously, please leave a review.


	3. Wilhelm Tell

All right, so I'm doing a project in German on Wilhelm Tell. This isn't that project, but as I was working on it, I suddenly thought..._what if I piratized this?_ Called Beckett by his first name just because it was closer to Gessler. A little.

An epic actually literate version will begin eventually, but until then, here is the humorous version. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Ich erkenne nichts an. Nichts, sag ich mit dir! Nichts!

**Wilhelm Turner**

Jack Sparrow and Will Turner had been taking a trip inland on Jamaica, just as something to do. The pillaging was growing temporarily tiresome, as was the blacksmithing, so they decided to take a hunting trip. One day, they visited the town of Port Royal to buy supplies. Jack rode in the wagon with their tools, and Will walked at the donkey's head.

What they did not know was that on this day, there was to be a parade. Yes. A parade for the King of Jamaica; Cutler. Soldiers escorted him he sat atop his fancy carriage, and a pole was raised, his equally fancy hat placed atop it. The townspeople gathered to pay their respects. "All will bow to me and my hat," Cutler ordered. Everyone bowed, but Jack and Will refused. Cutler descended from his carriage to meet Will face to face. Jack joined them moments later. "You know, I can have you put in jail for such insolence, and killed whenever I please."

"Don't care," Jack replied.

"Right. We're not bowing to the likes of you or your hat," Will agreed.

Cutler looked the younger man in the eye. "Who are you?"

"Have you not heard of William Turner?" Jack answered for him. "The greatest swashbuckler in the Caribbean, mate. And the most accurate knifethrower to boot."

"Really." Cutler scrutinized Turner. "I'll tell you what, Turner. If you can hit this apple off your companion's head with a throwing knife without hitting him, I'll let you go free."

"What's the catch?"

"Ah, you're a smart man, Mister Turner, not jumping into something until you know all the details."

"A friend once asked me not to do anything stupid."

"The catch," Cutler went on, choosing to ignore the comment, "is that you must hit the apple off Jack's head without hitting him...from one hundred paces away."

"What?" Will was aghast. But soldiers had already taken Jack roughly by the arms and led him to the trunk of a tree where they made him stand straight, and placed a shiny red apple on his head. "I'm not going to do that."

"Then it is the gallows for you."

"It's all right, Will. You're as good as I said. Better, even. You can do it."

"There is no way I'm knifing an apple off Jack's head."

"I'm not afraid. C'mon, Will. We don't have all day."

Will looked back and forth between Jack and Cutler. "All right, I'll do it." He opened his satchel and pulled out a knife, and counted one hundred paces from Jack and his tree. He stood and judged the lengthy distance carefully, holding said knife up and taking careful aim.

"BLOODY HELL!!" Jack screamed.

Nonetheless, Will threw the blade and speared the apple without touching a dread on Jack's head. Cutler was both amazed and infuriated. "You are indeed a knifemaster." Sparrow ducked out from under the apple, which was pinned to the tree, and approached. "What's this, you had a second knife," the King observed. "Why?"

Will looked him right in the eye. "Because if I had killed Jack with the first, that knife would have been for you."

"Oh? Bold words for a powerless man. That remark just landed you a lifetime spot in the torture chambers. Take him away," Cutler ordered. The soldiers moved forward to arrest him.

Jack jumped in, tossing him a sword, and the two swashbuckled their way through the mass of guards to where Cutler was watching from a supposedly 'safe' distance. Safe indeed; Will fished out his second throwing knife, replying "No one is powerless!" It sailed through the air and embedded itself in Cutler's heart. The King of Jamaica fell over dead.

Jamaica was free, as were its people.

Jack and Will were heroes. But it didn't go to their heads—at least not to Will's—and instead they just continued on their hunting trip. "Jack, there's one thing I still don't understand," Will murmured as they were leaving the town.

"Aye?"

"Why did you encourage me to do that if you were afraid after all?"

"Because I bloody well didn't think you'd _actually_ do it! Boy, do not scare me like that again!" They laughed and continued onward.

**_Fin._**

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_**Not one of my best, but hey, I just came up with it on the spot.

Kindly Review.


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